I recently heard a sermon on the choosing of the twelve disciples. In it the speaker emphasizes that each one seemed to be a bad choice by the world’s standard when picking a team. Squabbling siblings, political extremists mixing with government taxmen, young ones brimming with inexperience, passionate hotheads who don’t give a thought to consequences. He reminded us of the hope we have as Christians to know that even in our brokenness and bumbling, God will choose us for His work.
His sermon was good, biblical and enlightening, but it got my mind going. It reminded me of our disposition, our status. We are bumbling and broken. As the speaker put it, we are a bunch of dweebs, dorks, and knuckleheads. This was important to take note of as one great contributor to doubt is uncertainty in ourselves. We naturally doubt ourselves due to our inadequacies and oftentimes then project that uncertainty and doubt onto God. If us spirit-let, sanctified, new man Christians can’t get life right, then our source of redemption or power must be circumspect, no? Are we not promised new life, and rebirth? Yet here we are bumbling, miserable failures and the world looks on and laughs. Is it not a wonder then that we question those promises or even the very source of them?
We then begin to see one of the sources to our doubt. We can often cause it in ourselves. Through our own failings and uncertainties we find a root for the questioning. One must then wrestle with the legitimacy of this questioning. Who is at fault here and who is to blame. Is it logical or even plausible for us to consider this avenue of doubt when we know that we, and our shortcomings are its progenitors? In our insecurities we somehow find the boldness to question our Maker. Our sad disposition gives birth then to this doubt and we choke on it.